By Matthew,
The Beat Within/NAM

I used to wake up every day with no reason to live. I used to be addicted to drugs with no hope of quitting. I used to want to kill myself. I used to hurt the people that loved me. I used to be lost in a world of darkness.
   People always tried to help me out, but I turned them away. They can only help me if I want to help myself. Since I thought I had nothing to live for, I never accepted their help.
    But then one day my brother, who was 27, was making a drug deal and got shot in his neck and two times in the chest and stomach. They dropped him off on his front lawn and left him to die. He died selling the same drug that I thought I loved and took away my pain. His death made me realize how bad I had to change and how bad I hated the life I was living. My brother left two daughters behind because of his lifestyle. I also have a sevenmonth- old son that I haven’t cared for because of drugs.
    Since my brother’s death, I have a new meaning for my life and a new found love of life and a life worth living. I have already changed my mind and my spirit, and I will change my life when I am released from juvenile hall.
    My brother’s death has given me life. I wish he was still alive, but I intend to give the life he lived purpose by living a better life for myself and my son.
    To the people that read this: Don’t let something tragic happen before you decide to change. Don’t take life for granted, or it will smack you back to reality.
    I am happy that I have found a reason to live and that I am changing my life. I am sorry it took my brother to be murdered in order for that to happen.